I wanted you to have a father

My mother had known for decades that Dad was gay. He told me so in 1975 when he came out to me. It would be another decade before I had the nerve to ask Mom why she stayed. She was someone who shied away from difficult questions. But at a family gathering sometime in the 1990s, I found the … [Read more...]

My last big question of Dad

Mom had been gone for two years. We lost my little sister in 1979. My remaining siblings were out of town. Today it was just Dad and me. It was June, 2008. He'd turned 90 that March. Even though I was by then middle-aged, and had long known my father was gay, I still clung to a childhood … [Read more...]

A Hallmark Moment

From the time I was an adolescent, buying a Father's Day card for my dad was always challenging. Rows upon rows of greetings depicting fishing poles, cars, and remote controls pointed at football games didn't represent my dad at all. Neither did flowery messages about how much he means to me and … [Read more...]

Long Without a Tribe

There must be others like me. Where are they? It took me more than three decades to even ask this question. The journey began on Father's Day, 1975, when I asked my dad if had ever been unfaithful to Mom. He'd always been a shameless flirter. I was 24. He stunned me by answering a … [Read more...]

I Will Be Your Family

Our topic this month is family. Before the election, I'd have written about my family of origin, friends from childhood, and supportive tribes of like-minded souls. Not today, though. The election has triggered too many feelings in me. I see the world through that filter right now. Bigotry in … [Read more...]