I Would Rather Know

Should I tell my children? That is a question I have been asked by a number of gay men over the years who are closeted in straight marriages in repressive cultures and do not plan on leaving their wives. The conversations go something like this: What if my children find out from someone else, … [Read more...]

Dear Dad, The grandkids are alright

So, Dad, your great-granddaughter told me a story. That little girl who went to you so easily when she was only a year old, is all grown up and she's lovely. She graduated from college and works professionally in DC now. You'd be so proud of her, and of her younger sister, too. She and the … [Read more...]

Dear Dad

Dear Dad, I hope this Father's Day you feel free to be happy. You are retired and your hardest days, I believe, are behind you. You live in LA and get to see famous people all the time. Your favorite thing in the world+ACE You get to live close to me and to Axel, your grandbaby. You have overcome so … [Read more...]

I wanted you to have a father

My mother had known for decades that Dad was gay. He told me so in 1975 when he came out to me. It would be another decade before I had the nerve to ask Mom why she stayed. She was someone who shied away from difficult questions. But at a family gathering sometime in the 1990s, I found the … [Read more...]

My last big question of Dad

Mom had been gone for two years. We lost my little sister in 1979. My remaining siblings were out of town. Today it was just Dad and me. It was June, 2008. He'd turned 90 that March. Even though I was by then middle-aged, and had long known my father was gay, I still clung to a childhood … [Read more...]