I Would Rather Know

Should I tell my children? That is a question I have been asked by a number of gay men over the years who are closeted in straight marriages in repressive cultures and do not plan on leaving their wives. The conversations go something like this: What if my children find out from someone else, … [Read more...]

I wanted you to have a father

My mother had known for decades that Dad was gay. He told me so in 1975 when he came out to me. It would be another decade before I had the nerve to ask Mom why she stayed. She was someone who shied away from difficult questions. But at a family gathering sometime in the 1990s, I found the … [Read more...]

A healing dance

Mom and Dad dancing. Yes, dancing. That's where my healing happened. September 22, 2007, Eduardo and I's wedding day. One of the happiest and most nerve wracking days of my life. Here we were at our reception, basking in the afterglow that we had made it through our ceremony, our first dance, … [Read more...]

I Too Had A Closet

I officially entered my closet around my 13th birthday. Unknowingly I probably entered even earlier. I saw signs and clues that my dad was different, that my family make up was breaking societal and religious rules. It was then that I began to understand what was unacceptable to others. I understood … [Read more...]

The View from the Closet

My father had just come out to me when this photo was taken. It was the summer of 1975 and I was a 24-year-old mother in an unhappy marriage. I can see a mix of emotions on my face. Confusion, probably. Stunned? Definitely. And an effort to smile. This would be my face to the world for decades, … [Read more...]