I Would Rather Know

Should I tell my children? That is a question I have been asked by a number of gay men over the years who are closeted in straight marriages in repressive cultures and do not plan on leaving their wives. The conversations go something like this: What if my children find out from someone else, … [Read more...]

A healing dance

Mom and Dad dancing. Yes, dancing. That's where my healing happened. September 22, 2007, Eduardo and I's wedding day. One of the happiest and most nerve wracking days of my life. Here we were at our reception, basking in the afterglow that we had made it through our ceremony, our first dance, … [Read more...]

Blindsided

I am in LA. It is around 2013. I am standing alone on a stage in a small theatre. I am at an open mic for standup comedians. The lights are so bright I can't make out anyone's face. I am waiting for feedback from the audience. I have just told a joke about my father for the millionth time to a room … [Read more...]

Dear Laura, Nothing’s Wrong With You

Dear 17-year-old Laura, I know you're having a hard time right now. What's worse, you don't understand why. After all, you're getting good grades at school. You've been accepted at UC Santa Barbara for next fall. You're kind of cute. Boys are interested in you. You're interested in … [Read more...]

Dear Lisa, Dad Does Love You

+ACY-nbsp+ADs Dear Lisa, What a tumultuous time you are having in this, the 18th year of your life. You have so much passion in you, and so much rage, which you will come to learn in time is simply fear. Those days when you were little in the house on Elder Lane felt so warm and cozy. You were … [Read more...]